Building Confidence

 Our self-confidence is a reliable measure of our overall belief in ourselves. It governs our response to life’s challenges, because only when we feel okay about ourselves are we ready to risk change. It plays a large part in determining our happiness. If we already feel on top of things when our life jumps the rails we are more likely to respond positively than when we already feel down and anxious. Finally, it’s the one single personality trait that most makes us popular, attractive and sexy. People are drawn to those who have a genuine calm inner security — perhaps as an antidote to all the fear and uncertainly in the world. Confidence outshines beauty every time.

Confidence follows on from self-acceptance. Just as we know that an acorn isn’t an oak, we know that it can become one. We too need time to grow and develop; we can be relaxed about ourselves as we do.

Feeling good about ourselves on the inside will help us feel great on the outside. It’s hard to be upbeat and bubbly all the time, but how we feel and how we act can be temporarily different. As we work on looking and acting more confidence, so people will respond more positively — and that becomes a virtuous circle: we feel better and better and the act becomes the reality.

Most of us accept that we have a degree of control over our thoughts, while our feelings, including self-confidence, appear totally capricious. But feelings can be triggered by thoughts, so the best way to start feeling more confident is to challenge our self-deprecating thoughts. For example, some people spend lots of time telling themselves what they should and shouldn’t do and end up feeling guilty as a result. But all shoulds are value judgments whose verdicts and sentences are usually arrived at by others. If we replace our shoulds with words like want, choose, or prefer, this one change will raise our self-confidence enormously — we are back in charge.

I find that measuring success like an athlete — in terms of personal bests, rather than outright wins — means I am no longer basing my confidence on outside events. I have stopped judging myself by what happens in life.

We need to be aware of our successes as they happen. People who are naturally confident take credit for their achievements and view problems either as temporary, or the result of circumstance. So be your own cheer-leader and celebrate our accomplishments, both big and, more importantly, small.

Those who are confident succeed more often than those who express doubts and fear. However, a study comparing the self-assured with those who are beset with hesitation, fear, and feelings of victimisation, found there was nothing whatsoever to indicate that people who have little self-confidence have far fewer abilities, lower intelligence, or less opportunity than those who enjoy very high levels of success. So, the choice is yours.

Self-confidence is arguably one of the most important things you can have.

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Many people set out to look for the forest and get lost in the trees. In your dreams coaching gives you the space, time and tools to break out of this self-perpetuating cycle, get a clear picture of what you want and helps you design a suitable route map to your chosen destination.

Your first success has been recognising the need for assistance.

Your second is having the good sense to call for it.

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"If life serves you lemons, make lemonade." ~ Anon