Frustration

Too often we wish we could suppress our frustrations and do away with our fears. However, both are healthy and in moderation, like salt, are essential ingredients to our wellbeing.

The best way of dealing with frustration is to accept it as a challenge — and love it. If we can acknowledge the frustration and harness it to better attain our goals, how much more powerful would that be than simply burying our heads under the duvet?

Frustration is our internal direction finder signalling: "I'm not getting what I want."  Clearly, this is a good time to step back and evaluate. Are our goals and our expectations realistic, or are we hoping for too much, too soon? Our own unattainable, perfectionist standards will make it impossible for anyone to please us — including ourselves.

If your goal is far-distant and progress seems slow, remember to monitor your every success, even very small increments. Each step improves our self-confidence and keeps us on the road to true accomplishment. Taking a very definite pleasure in mere activity in the present, being ‘in the moment’ achieving ‘flow’ provides its own peculiar enjoyment.

Everyone’s life has its ups and downs. Research shows that even lottery winners, after the win has had some months to ‘sink in’ are no more or less happy than non-winners. When we accept this reality, we are one step closer to dealing with frustration in a healthy way.

Frustration is much easier to bear in small doses. Rather than driving yourself unremittingly on a maddening task, give it fixed chunks of time after which you allow yourself a break. Meditation and relaxation are excellent strategies for restoring confidence and feeling upbeat. It is virtually impossible to be both happy and frustrated simultaneously.

Some frustrations can be sidestepped by forward planning. We know what irritates us, who it is that upset us and the events that annoy us. Can we avoid them?

Taking this further, we claim that people or events frustrate us; but really, we judge events based on our own thoughts and beliefs. Thus we can change the world by changing our thoughts and challenging our irrational ideas.

If it is other people that are particularly frustrating, then reconsider the circumstances: try describing the situation from their point of view to help understand their motives. If we are irritated with someone for being inconsiderate, we can ask if (or just assume) something is wrong and say, "I'm sorry you are having a hard time." Similarly, if we are having a bad day and feeling peevish, we can ask (in advance) for their understanding. This changes the environment.

Overload provides a different stratagem: expose yourself to the irritation over and over, either in fantasy, role-play or reality, until you can handle it.

Failing to deal with frustration can undermine our health as well as our self-confidence. And for some of us frustration escalates into a full-blown fit of anger. Handling that takes us to another level.

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Many people set out to look for the forest and get lost in the trees. In your dreams coaching gives you the space, time and tools to break out of this self-perpetuating cycle, get a clear picture of what you want and helps you design a suitable route map to your chosen destination.

Your first success has been recognising the need for assistance.

Your second is having the good sense to call for it.

Call Paul Hayward on 01234 831631

"The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in prison." ~ Elizabeth Drew