Five Handy Hints on Listening

Being listened to is a fantastic experience; merely being heard pales in comparison. Even young children know the difference, hence the familiar cry, “Mummy, you’re not listening!” and the hasty reassurance “I am dear, I am” as she continues multi-tasking. Rarely is the infant completely mollified and the whole exchange ends as less than satisfactory to both parties. It’s small wonder that an estimated 75% of oral communication is ignored, misunderstood, or quickly forgotten.

Our ability to listen builds trust, credibility and understanding. By listening we develop and maintain strong business links, healthy family relationships, and an active social network. To listen properly we need to:

1. Be aware of the speaker’s mood and react accordingly
2. Allow silence to build, giving room for our companion to clarify or reflect on their point
3. Summarise to ensure understanding
4. Never make assumptions about what it means to the speaker and how if affects them
5. Suspend judgement (this can be difficult to master but is powerful and rewarding)

Although it's counterintuitive to many people skilful listening is often more valuable than talking. And listening is a much higher quality experience than hearing. Accept no substitutes when the outcome really matters.

One might suppose that in conversation people take turns talking and listening. For most exchanges it would be more accurate to say that while one person is speaking, the other is reloading. To avoid this trap refrain from mentally disagreeing, criticising or arguing.

Some dire consequences can follow from neglecting this critical skill: confusion, hurt feelings, incomplete instructions, embarrassment, and dissatisfaction. All of which can be alleviated by practising proper listening techniques.
 

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Many people set out to look for the forest and get lost in the trees. In your dreams coaching gives you the space, time and tools to break out of this self-perpetuating cycle, get a clear picture of what you want and helps you design a suitable route map to your chosen destination.

Your first success has been recognising the need for assistance.

Your second is having the good sense to call for it.

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