Five Handy Hints on Building Rapport

We are told that “people buy from people”. Be it business, social, educational, familial or romantic, someone has to “buy” something from someone else before anything can happen. The extent to which you are in rapport with another person will heavily influence whether any ‘deal’ is done.

Between you and another person there will be differences and similarities. Emphasis the differences and you will find it harder to establish rapport. Emphasis the similarities (even act to increase them) and resistance and antagonism will disappear.

The quality of any relationship (defined as the connection or association) will work increasingly well as uncertainty, reluctance, distrust, suspicion, discord and mental barriers are reduced. Because people like people who are like them, even at a simple level, we can build rapport by matching:

1. The rate and location of their breathing (high in the chest, low in the diaphragm, whole chest, etc)
2. How someone sits or stands; the position of the arms, legs, hands, shoulders, head all provide convenient aspects we can match
3. Their blink rate: we all blink at different rates. If changing your body position, or matching a breathing rate, is uncomfortable and feels contrived, then matching blink rates may be easier – and it will certainly call for increased concentration on your part
4. The way they write – especially important in e-mail exchanges. Practice using the words, phrases, images and formality they use. Again, look for points of agreement and find ways to be supportive. Be nice to folk – e-mails have a way of coming back to haunt people.
5. Their beliefs and opinions, where possible: do not profess a philosophy to which you do not subscribe – the pretence will catch you out. However, it is usually possible to find some point of agreement.

One word of warning – be sensitive when matching. Mimicking an accent, a stutter, asthmatic breathing or a nervous twitch is likely to prove offensive.

Given that individuals are multi-dimensional the probability is low that there will be a complete serendipitous match between any two people towards any set of circumstances. Building rapport is an effective way of closing the perceptual divide.

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Many people set out to look for the forest and get lost in the trees. In your dreams coaching gives you the space, time and tools to break out of this self-perpetuating cycle, get a clear picture of what you want and helps you design a suitable route map to your chosen destination.

Your first success has been recognising the need for assistance.

Your second is having the good sense to call for it.

Call Paul Hayward on 01234 831631

"The biggest thing is to have a mind-set and a belief you can win every tournament going in." ~ Tiger Woods