Five Handy Hints on Talking

I firmly believe that conversation is the best medium for most of the messages we want to share. We can see, or at least hear, how the message is going down; we can modify the content to assist understanding and we learn what the other party thinks or feels without any intervening delay.

When talking with someone, there are three principal ingredients that influence whether or not the intended message is the message they receive.

The first is how clear you are about the outcome you want from the exchange. What do you want to happen?

The second is the strength of your relationship. Someone who cares about you is more likely to listen to you carefully.

The third is your emotional state at the time and that of the person listening. Anger, grief, fear and loathing among others mean that your message will either never get said or never be heard. Highly charged emotions engage the brain’s limbic system rather than the neo-cortex that handles logic. The plain fact is that you cannot overcome powerful and complex emotions with cool and collected logic.

These three keys will stand us in good stead when we are talking in a business context:

1. Decide what you want the other person to think, feel, and do after you have talked with them.
2. Work out how you will know that your message is being correctly received, e.g. seeing them nod, smile, looking thoughtful or asking questions.
3. Do a quick mental check on your relationship; is their anything to clear up between you before you can both focus on the matter at hand?
4. Picture talking to them in your mind’s ear. Notice their response and how you might adjust what you’re saying accordingly, all the way up until the happy ending.
5. Finally, check your own internal state for emotional balance and take a moment to make sure that they're alright. If either of you seem upset or otherwise distracted, clear that up first!

Now what were you going to say?

o - o - o - 0 - o - o - o

Many people set out to look for the forest and get lost in the trees. In your dreams coaching gives you the space, time and tools to break out of this self-perpetuating cycle, get a clear picture of what you want and helps you design a suitable route map to your chosen destination.

Your first success has been recognising the need for assistance.

Your second is having the good sense to call for it.

Call Paul Hayward on 01234 831631

"The biggest thing is to have a mind-set and a belief you can win every tournament going in." ~ Tiger Woods