Moving can be child's play

If moving home is a challenge for you, what about your children? Assuming that they don't care or won't understand can be a mistake, while consulting and involving them where possible, as early as possible, will help them adjust more quickly and easily. Children always want to be included. If they can take part in the decision making and are happy with the outcome, they are much more likely to "take ownership" of their new home and make the transition much easier for everyone.

Infants under the age of six may worry about being left behind, or being separated from you. Toddlers can develop great fears for their personal belongings and toys, unaware that these will go with them. At the same time, they may not understand that their close friends will not be coming too. Your own feelings about the chaos and disruption may lead them to think they are somehow at fault and they may return to a more dependent relationship as a result. Give them a chance to voice their fears and some little tasks of their own — like planning their new room.

Junior school children are very task focused. Use their enthusiasm and energy to help you get some of your moving tasks done. Their own concerns are likely to be divided between how their daily routines will be affected and the coming separation from their peers. Some may lack the emotional maturity needed to cope with this.

Youngsters of this age still have an active imagination. They may see the move as a wonderful transformation but, after a few months, when reality dawns, some may display real anger and confusion. Others may not talk about their distress, so you should be alert to changes in appetite, withdrawal, or a drop in marks greater than you might expect from changing schools.

Most adolescents find moving difficult. They feel that their involvement with friends and romantic relationships are being unnecessarily interrupted. They may react angrily, even insisting they are not going. This is usually due to their frustration with the lack of control over their own lives. Although teenagers will have the maturity to understand, they may not be prepared to accept it emotionally. The anguish of broken relationships and the pain of good-byes will need time and space. These are best done before the move, rather than over an extended period afterwards.

Each teenage community has its own culture and its accepted norms. Teenagers may appear advanced in their social skills, but they still worry about making friends and being accepted. They will be curious and probably disparaging about the clothing, hairstyles, music and attitudes favoured by their new peers. Nevertheless, they will strive to fit in. Parents can help by paying sincere attention to their feelings without getting defensive or judgmental.

Whatever their age, the personality of your children and the support and understanding you can provide will determine how smoothly the move goes and how long the process of acceptance and subsequent adjustment takes.

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"A child is easy to impress but hard to convince." ~ Croft M. Pentz